Ok I have no idea how to title this blog post, but I felt like getting personal with y’all after an exciting conversation with an Instagram friend! So long story short this person asked me (in a broad general sense) how I have felt about or handled being in a relationship with someone who is more fit or smaller than I am. I feel like this is a loaded question so how about we break it down!
First off, we all know that society teaches women to be cute and little, especially compared to their partner. I see Twitter posts and TikTok videos from girls complaining that their boyfriend (for example) cannot pick them up like “everyone else” or maybe his sweatshirt “isn’t even oversized on you.” To all the people that teach women to desire these things: please stop. Not every relationship physically looks like what you see on social media and that is ok. Women over 250 pounds exist and so do men under 5 foot 3. Those people are just as deserving of a loving, goals-worthy relationship as anyone else.
So let us say that your body is different than your partners and that makes you insecure. Your main problem is not your body or their body, but your insecurity. Remember the importance of body positivity and self love. You like and appreciate yourself the way you are, and your partner probably does too. Why would you worry that they did not like you that way? Or why would you worry about how other people saw you together? To put it simply, you should have enough confidence in yourself that your partner’s physique does not change anything for you! If you really like someone, you are not going to be contemplating rules regarding heel hight or how to pose in photos etc etc.
Another important question I have unfortunately had to face is: do they really like you the way you are? Way back when I dated someone who was not bigger than I was. When we met I was relatively fit for my normal ranges, then a few months in I started to gain significant weight due to stress. Not only did his person negatively point out this change but they also noted how they did not like my size upon meeting me and assumed I would eventually be motivated to change. This situation has forever changed how I date.
If you are working on the whole “being confident enough that size differences in relationships do not matter to me thing” here is a BIG TIP I recommend for while you are dating. When you meet someone and decide you like them enough to keep dating, have a conversation about this early on. Similarly to how it is important to discuss faith, goals, and personal history, asking someone about their body preferences or standards in a partner is extremely important. Personally I have said, “hey, body positivity and personal health are very important to me. This is what my body looks like now, sure I may wish to be at a healthier fitness level than I am now, but if this does not change is that ok with you and would you still like me?” This might sound super strange but to me this conversation is really important and most of the time it reminds me to focus on positive things like healthy habits or just simply being happy with the person you are dating without the distraction of petty insecurity.
I love sharing super personal things like this with you all! To be clear, this blog post is intended to positively encourage you in your lives, and to remind y’all to LOVE YOURSELVES and let all the happy elements of your lives flow from that!